I have been to many weddings over the years, mostly your typical American/traditional type of wedding with an occasional ceremony from a different culture or religion.  I have been to weddings where people get married for the first time or where people get married after divorce (our wedding was like that since JJ had been married once before).  Yesterday, I had the honor and privilege of attending a wedding that demonstrates that miracles still happen today.

The bride and groom have been friends of ours for the past several years.  They were married when we met them and we spent some time getting to know them in our church small group.  They hit a rough patch and ended up getting divorced.  It looked for a long while like they were both going to go their separate ways and “start over.”  Over the past year or so, they have found their way back together through much work and prayer, and were remarried yesterday.

Their wedding was beautiful, as weddings tend to be.  Her dress was white and he was in a tux.  She walked down the aisle behind the flower girls and carried a bouquet of flowers.  Her father gave her away.  The vows they exchanged could be the vows read at any typical wedding.  And yet, knowing their story and how they have worked to become a complete family again, listening to the vows and watching them make them all over again with renewed commitment, purpose and intention, was stunning and spectacular.

I am not one to cry at weddings, but was tearful a few times during their ceremony.  I was not the only one, as you could hear people sniffing their way through the entire ceremony.  And while the mechanics of the wedding itself were all very common and typical, this wedding goes in my personal history book as my favorite wedding to date.  I truly feel as though I watched a miracle take place in front of my eyes yesterday.  And what better place to experience one, since the first miracle took place at a wedding.

Confession – I like girlie movies.  Not exclusively, but I enjoy a good chick flick periodically.  JJ was away this weekend, so tonight I picked “Age of Adeline” from the DVR.

It was not until the very last scene of the movie (which I had seen previously) that something jumped out at me that I had not thought about the last time I saw the movie.  **Spoiler alert coming if you haven’t seen the movie and plan to do so.**  Adeline (who is back to being Adeline, her true identity, by the end of the movie) finds a gray hair when checking her reflection in the mirror, which indicates that she has resumed aging after an extended period of being perpetually about 29 years old for decades.  She has found love and will finally be able to have a future and“grow old” with him.

I have more white hair than I care to think about, which I color periodically so it doesn’t show.  Some of the gray strands take color well, but I have a few pure white hairs that don’t take color at all and remain white, even after a fresh dye job, that peak out at me when I brush my hair to remind me they are still there.  Hollywood has conditioned us (no pun intended, but I love it when that happens!) that we are to be ageless.  We are bombarded with ads for “anti-aging” products and taught that wrinkles and gray hair are bad.  At the end of the movie tonight, the thought that came to my mind is that there is no future and no opportunity for God’s plan for our lives to unfold without aging.  In order to move forward in time, the aging process is inevitable, and I dare say, critical, to walk out the journey of life.  Each year brings new experiences, new wisdom and new lessons that can only be learned at that point in your life.  I had a patient tell me one time to wear every wrinkle that I get with pride because I earned them.

Don’t get me wrong – I’m grateful (now- yes, Mom, you were right!) that I look younger than I am.  I have worried about getting older – your body changes, you can’t do everything as long or as fast as you could in your 20s – but tonight I have a fresh perspective on aging.  Maybe as our hair turns gray/white and your joints start to stiffen just a bit, that’s God’s way of slowing you down on purpose, now that you’re old enough and experienced enough to understand, apply and pass on the wisdom that he entrusts to you.  Proverbs 16:31 states (NIV): “Gray hair is a crown of splendor; it is attained in the way of righteousness.”  I want all that God has for me and His plan for my life, so a few gray/white hairs (at least for today it’s a few!) seems a small price to pay. But don’t be looking for me to give up my hair color any time soon!

Our 12 year wedding anniversary is tomorrow and we will be doing a final coaching session with our current group of engaged couples later this afternoon.  So I am perhaps more attuned to thoughts about marriage today than I would on any given day.

One of the bits of advice that I have started sharing with the couples that we coach as they move closer and closer to their wedding date is to really think about what their wedding vows mean.  We have had some couples who choose to write their own vows, but a majority of couples use some version of the traditional vows; “for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.”

Having been married now for 12 years (tomorrow!  Love you, Babe!), we have had some definite moments of worse, poorer, sickness and some death (not that parted us, but in the family).  When you first get married, I think it is so easy to get caught up in the excitement and the planning that it can be just as easy to not fully digest the vows you will be saying on the day itself.  I know I didn’t.  I knew that I had some words to say and he had some words to say, we would exchange rings and the priest would pronounce us husband and wife.  I like to call it “I do, I do, kiss the bride.”

We went through the premarital program at the church in which we were married, but I don’t remember too much about it other than the counselor that we went to visit for one session as part of that program told us that we were polar opposites, he would not recommend that we get married, and that if we chose to get married that our relationship would be a very difficult one.  We listened to his advice and promptly threw it out the window.  What he said turned out to be correct – our first 2 years were incredibly difficult and I thought about divorce several times.  JJ had been married and divorced once before and he wouldn’t talk about divorce as an option, which is the only reason that we made it through those first 2 years.  If I had known that those first couple of years would have been that hard, I’m sure I would not have gone ahead with the wedding.  We persevered (or maybe JJ pulled me through) the first 2 years, I started to like him a little again by year 3 and now 12 years later, I can’t imagine my life without him.

If you are engaged to be married or think that you might someday be married, I would encourage you to really think about the vows that you will say that day.  If you are already married and things are rocky (even if they are great), take some time to go back to what you promised on your wedding day.  Every marriage has times that are hard.  Be willing and able to look your fiancé/spouse in the eye and commit to being there in the worse, poorer and sick times.  My prayer is that your marriage is predominantly better, richer and healthy.

So here we are 12 years ago.  Look how cute we were!  (And how much hair JJ had!)  He has promised me at least 50, so here is to the next 38+.  I’m looking forward to the adventure.

 

Our church held its annual women’s conference, called Flourish, this past week.  One of the comments that kept circulating on the screens between sessions was that the same God who make the Earth and the sky thought that His creation would not be complete without you.  One of the speakers commented that God’s plan and timing for our lives was for now – not 100 years ago or 1000 years ago or 1000 years from now, but now.  At the end of one of the sessions, the giveaway as we exited the sanctuary was a coffee mug.  There were 3 or 4 saying on these mugs and the saying you received was arbitrary – pure chance (or perhaps divine appointment).  One of the sayings was “Be Brave,” another “Hello Gorgeous” and a couple more.  Several of my girlfriends hoped to get the mug that said “Hello Gorgeous” and that was the saying I was hoping most to avoid.  I have struggled most of my life believing that I am pretty, let alone gorgeous.  And guess which one I ended up with?  You guessed it.  I had to fight a huge urge to trade with someone else to get a mug with something that sounded less intimidating.  I can “Be Brave” all day long, but to look at a mug that tells me I’m gorgeous?  That takes a lot more bravery for me.  I don’t even drink coffee!  So how easy would it be to keep that mug in my regifting drawer (don’t judge me – I know you all have one of those too!), except that I couldn’t give it to anyone from church and that’s where I know most of my friends.  Or an equally easy choice would have been to just hide it in the back of the cupboard where I keep my coffee cups and just forget that it’s there.  The Holy Spirit prompted me that I had been given exactly what I was supposed to receive, so I (reluctantly) put it in my bag and took it home.

The mug has sat on my counter for the past two days, in the box, daring me to decide what to do with it.  This morning was cool and dreary (odd for May in Texas).  When I got home from church and was making breakfast, I decided that this silly mug was not going to get the best of me, so I made a cup of hot chocolate to go with my eggs and toast.  While it was still uncomfortable for me to look at the obnoxiously large gold lettering every time I took a sip, it did remind me of the scriptures that state that I am fearfully and wonderfully made and that God knew me before I was in my mother’s womb (Psalm 139: 13-14).  I also had to remember that God does think I am beautiful: “You are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you” (Song of Solomon 4:7) and that I was created in his image (Gen 1:27).  God is the very embodiment of beauty.  God doesn’t make any mistakes and it truly only matters what He thinks about me.  Even with all my flaws and bad choices and scars, He sees me as His masterpiece.  I am thankful for the daily grace He extends while I continue to learn this lesson.

So, Hello Gorgeous.  Know that you are beautiful beyond measure and that God’s plan for this point in history would not be complete without you.

When I was a kid, my mom would frequently tell me to “save that for a special occasion,” whether it be a dress, or a piece of jewelry or something of the like.  I have traditionally been a very black and white kind of person (I’m starting to try to see the world in shades of gray, but must admit I still err on the sides of charcoal and cream), so I took her teachings to heart.  I would outgrow dresses that you could tell were not new only because the tags weren’t on them anymore, but had only been worn a handful of times.  Over the years, I was given a few nicer pieces of jewelry that stayed in the box, in the drawer, for “when you’re older.”

I do see the merit of teaching your children delayed gratification and understanding the value of things.  I also agree that there are certain occasions that call for items or attire that you wouldn’t use in everyday life.  For instance, I would not go to work in one of the formal dresses I have for my husband’s annual military banquets.

On the flip side of that, I’m starting to realize that life itself is a special occasion – each day is a treasure that you only get to live once.  So why not feel pretty on a Tuesday, just because it’s Tuesday instead of waiting for Saturday night date night?  Why not wear some of your more favorite outfits on a regular basis so that by the time they either don’t fit or are out of style, you feel like you’ve gotten your use out of them and they have made you look and feel good and haven’t just made your closet look good?

Maybe I’m a little late in coming to this realization.  Until Sept of last year, I went to work in scrubs for the past decade of my life.  And let me tell you, it is hard to pair nicer jewelry or really feel like a girl in scrubs.  They are great for getting in and out of the car and on and off the floor (seemingly) 100 times a day, but not for feeling pretty or feminine.  Since I’ve transitioned into the office, I get to wear “girl clothes,” which is an entirely new experience.  My mom bought me a new jewelry box for Christmas last year that is big enough to hold all my pieces all in one place (instead of 2 or 3 in this drawer and another 2 or 3 in another drawer).  Now that I can see everything at one time, I find that I have to fight the habit of wearing the same 3 pieces every day.  It feels a little funny to wear what I consider a statement necklace (which most of you ladies would probably consider everyday wear) on a random Monday or Thursday, when previously I might have only pulled it out a time or two a year on a stray Saturday night.  I’m finding that it’s so much more fun to treat everyday life as special and it gives me the opportunity to remember special people or places that I associate with certain pieces on a regular basis.

So, wear your diamonds or your favorite red shirt or your cute little strappy shoes to run errands or to work, or (dare I say it?) around the house.  I think it is so easy to measure your life only by the mountaintop moments (birthdays, graduations, your wedding, the birth of your children), when in fact, so much of your life and your memories are walked out in the valleys of everyday.

Here’s to making each day a special occasion in some small way!

Where else to start, but at the beginning?  I am newly 40 (as of a couple weeks ago) and have done a lot of thinking the past few months leading up to my birthday.  Until recently, I never really understood why people would have a mid-life crisis.  And while I don’t have a need to go out and buy a new sports car or the like, I have had the thought that the first half of the most usable part of my life is now behind me, so what do I want to do with the second half that remains?  I came to the realization that God works in 40 year increments.  The Israelites wandered in the desert for 40 years until they were finally ready to cross the Jordan River into the Promised Land.  The 40 years were necessary for some old ideas and habits to die off or be replaced so the then current generation could fully realize and live in the promise that God had planned for them.

My husband of 12 years (who threw me the most amazing birthday party, by the way – Babe, you’re the best!) and I have not been able to have children.  I have found myself at many points in the last 8-10 years pausing at certain moments to think about the life lesson encapsulated in whatever I am going through at that time and how I would share that with a child if we had one.  I’m sure I’ll get into that story more later, but in the months leading up to this birthday (and let me tell you, when I went to the doctor for an annual physical about a week after my birthday and saw my name and “40” written in black and white on my check-in page, I just about fell out of my chair) I thought I needed some way to pass on the lessons life has taught me so far.  And hence the blog you are now reading.

So, here is the first lesson – perfectionism is a waste of time and energy.  I am your typical first born, perfectionist, type A kind of girl.  I like things in order and have a tendency to think I should be good at anything I try right out of the gate, even if I have never attempted whatever the task is before (which looks absolutely ridiculous now that I write that out.  I think this blog will end up being as much or more for me than it is for you).  I have been trying to find the best way to start this blog; to find just the right topic with the right number of words and paragraphs, and and and….  And then I stepped back and decided just to start and whoever is supposed to read this will read this.

Welcome to the journey.  I’m not totally sure yet where it will take us, but come along for the ride and we’ll find out together.  My prayer is that something you read will resonate and be useful in your own life.  God’s blessings on you, dear reader.