I spent last Saturday afternoon putting away Christmas decorations and taking down the Christmas tree.  I was talking to JJ on the phone for part of the time and made the comment that putting up the decorations after Thanksgiving is always something I look forward to and seems to take no time at all, but when it comes time to put everything away, the reverse actions with the same decorations seems like a chore and to take forever.  JJ asked me why I felt that way.  In the moment, I told him that putting the decorations up was an indication of things to come, an expectation of a joyful season and that taking them down meant the end of something and the house seems bare and empty.

I’ve thought a lot about my response since our conversation and have been asking myself if there is a deeper meaning to why I felt that way.

I have a closet in the house where I keep all our Christmas decorations.  The boxes all have a Tetris-like matrix of how they best fit in the space and the boxes are all marked with what goes in each box.  There are certain places in the house that certain decorations go every year.  (Are any of you like this?  It may just be my type-A personality).  I like things to be ordered, predictable.  I’m working on it, but change has typically been a challenge for me – I have to think about an idea for a while and get used to it before I can implement something new.

I started to wonder if my faith is like that too.  Do I keep it all compartmentalized?  Are there certain things I only do on Sunday that are not integrated into my Monday through Saturday life?  Is Sunday kind of like putting Christmas decorations up?  I get inspired and look forward to a new week ahead and all the possibilities that it holds and then feel like the rest of the week is a chore and lackluster if I don’t accomplish everything I set out to do on a Sunday?

As I walked around my living room that afternoon, I realized that my house without Christmas decorations is not bare, it is just decorated differently.  True, the environment is not as shiny or ornate (our ornaments are a hodge podge of ornaments collected throughout the years and I still like tinsel on the tree.  Yes, I know tinsel isn’t popular anymore, but it brings back happy memories of being a kid), but it is still homey and serves its purpose well for the other 11 months out of the year.  I think our faith walk is like that – there may be moments of shining brilliance, but most of the time, we simply walk out the tasks that we are called to do that particular day, all of which have purpose and add a richness to our lives (even if it may not seem like it in the moment).

My dad sang in The Vocal Majority for many years as I was growing up.  There was one song they sang as part of their Christmas show every year that has a line that says “It’s not the things you do at Christmas time, but the Christmas things you do all year through.”  I’ve heard that song over and over throughout the years, but perhaps this year in a way differently than in years past.  During the holidays we are all a little kinder, more patient, more forgiving and smile more at one another.  I think that’s a good place to start for not keeping Christmas in the closet and instead making it a greater part of our daily lives.  Anyone else with me?

Side note – God is still a big God who works miracles.  A sweet friend of mine received a clean bill of health last week which is a huge answer to prayer.  So thankful!

Happy New Year!  I haven’t written for a while and have been trying to find the “right time” (the “write time” too) to get back into it.  The New Year presents a great time to reinvent myself. Historically, I have felt like there has to be a major life event to have a tabula rasa moment (starting high school, going to college out of state, starting my career, getting married), but I have learned over time that you can choose to make change at any point, on any given day.  Sometimes I think we get comfortable in habit and routine (good or bad habits and routines) and feel like change is difficult.  My husband (who deals with change much better than I do) will remind me that change is simple, but not easy.

I decided to start 2018 with a small change.  I woke up with a series of ideas and wanted to get something written down before I forgot them.  I have also learned over the last year or so that when inspiration hits, if I don’t write it down then, it will be gone (especially if I think of something in the middle of the night and try to convince myself that I’ll remember it in the morning).

JJ and I plan to spend some time later today talking about what we want to see happen in 2018.  He read something the other day that recommends writing down your resolutions in question form so that your brain works on solving the problem/answering the question instead of trying to fulfill a statement.  I’ve already found my brain coming up with ideas of what steps need to be taken to accomplish some preliminary ideas we have discussed.  Habakkuk 2:2 states “Then the LORD replied: “Write down the revelation and make it plain on tablets so that a herald may run with it.” (NIV).

As for my blog, I have been a bit hesitant to put my goals and ideas in print in public.  I struggle with very common fears – do I have anything to say that anyone would want to read, how far do I realistically think this could go, etc?  I’m reminded of the poem by Marianne Williamson “Our Deepest Fear.”

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness

That most frightens us.

 

We ask ourselves

Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God.

 

Your playing small

Does not serve the world.

There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking

So that other people won’t feel insecure around you.

 

We are all meant to shine,

As children do.

We were born to make manifest

The glory of God that is within us.

 

It’s not just in some of us;

It’s in everyone.

 

And as we let our own light shine,

We unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

As we’re liberated from our own fear,

Our presence automatically liberates others.”

I’m currently rereading Joel Osteen’s book “You Can You Will.”  On page 112, there is a paragraph that jumps out at me every time I read it.  He says “I read that the wealthiest places on earth are not the oil fields of the Middle East or the diamond minds of South Africa.  The wealthiest places are the cemeteries.  Buried in the ground are businesses that were never formed, books that were never written, songs that were never sung, dreams that never came to life, potential that was never released.”  Maybe that paragraph leaps off the page for me because we live next to small cemetery of one of the founding families of our city.  Sometimes I wonder what the lives were like of the people who are remembered there and if they accomplished what they hoped to during their lives. When I get to the end of my life, I want to look back and feel as if I fully used the gifts I was given and was obedient to the voice of God.  Today, I feel like this is the next step in that process.

So, here is my vision for my blog.  I hope for inspiration for a book, an avenue for publication and an invitation to speak at a women’s conference.  If you knew me growing up, speaking in front of people was the LAST thing I would ever want to do.  JJ and I have had such a positive response from the small groups that we share our story with, I keep getting the nudge from the Holy Spirit that there are other people and larger groups that would also benefit.

What are your hopes for 2018? What are your dreams that you haven’t told anyone else about?  We can’t get there on our own – other people hold the key to opportunities and connections that we don’t have in isolation.  As I posted on my Facebook page last night, may 2018 be a year of realized dreams and fulfilled potential.

PS – In keeping with a post from earlier last year, here is a picture of us at Christmas.

Happy Easter!  Today we remember the incredible sacrifice that Jesus made to die on the cross for the sins of the world, so that we could have unhindered access to God the Father and the promise of eternal life.

On Friday night, JJ and I went to church for Good Friday service.  One of the songs the worship team sang was Kristian Stanfill’s “Jesus Paid It All.”  The chorus of that song has a line that says “Sin had left a crimson stain, He washed it white as snow.”  I was reminded of a trip we took to Colorado in October 2013.  We went right before the snow season was supposed to start, but we had one morning a few days after we arrived where 1-2 inches of snow fell.  It snowed early in the morning and only for a couple of hours and it was still warm enough during the day that the snow was gone by about a lunch time.

JJ was still in bed that morning as I sat to watch the snow and take a few minutes to journal.  I remember thinking that day that while I had felt the scenery had been beautiful when we arrived, the snow, even just a few inches, made that morning breathtaking.  Any imperfections (small downed branches, remnants of fallen leaves, etc) were covered, hidden by this perfect, white blanket.  That didn’t mean that the imperfections no longer existed or had been erased, but in that moment, they were completely forgotten in the awe and stillness and peace that the snow brought with it.  And when the sun first rose, the glistening made that morning all the more spectacular.

Today we celebrate that the Son is risen and, that through faith, He sees us in that snow-covered, perfected, forgiven state, regardless of what lies beneath.  He is glistening, spectacular and brings peace.  He reveals Himself in still, small moments, often when the rest of the world is sleeping.

Isaiah 1:18 “Come now, and let us reason together,” Says the LORD, “Though your sins are as scarlet, They will be as white as snow; Though they are red like crimson, They will be like wool.”

Blessings on you and your family this Easter.

You know that feeling where you keep going through the same kind of situation over and over and you don’t know why?  It’s that odd sense of déjà-vu-all-over-again that comes with differing frequencies of regularity.  That’s what I call Brick Wall Therapy – when you don’t learn a lesson, God keeps bringing it back around in your life.  You feel like you are beating your head against a brick wall until you finally learn the lesson that God has placed in front of you.

In my experience, the first time or two the lesson comes up, it presents itself more as an interesting experience that I have a faint inkling that maybe I’m supposed to get something out of.  If I’m smart enough to recognize it at that time and make what may seem like a very minor change in my life, the lesson is not likely to present itself again.  If I don’t see the lesson early, or I choose not to make the changes I feel prompted to make, that is when the situation comes around again and again with increasing frequency and larger consequences.  I go from catching my toe on a rock, to having to step over a boulder, to running head first into a wall.

Some of these lessons have taken me years or decades to learn.  Sometimes, once I think I’ve learned the lesson, a circumstance will arise again to test me to see if I REALLY learned the lesson, or if I just THINK I did.  Examples of some of these lessons include extending forgiveness to someone who may hurt me deeply over and over (God gave me a beautiful picture of forgiveness a few years ago that I’ll share soon), understanding that unconditional love really has to not have any strings attached, or that holding a grudge is neither helpful nor healthful (I am a recovering expert grudge-holder-on-er).

I wonder sometimes if the Israelites got tired of camping at the same camp site or passing the same outcropping of rocks as they wandered in circles in the desert for 40 years (although the idea of your favorite dress and sandals not wearing out is pretty amazing).  Proverbs 16:9 states “In their hearts humans plan their course, but the LORD establishes their steps” (NIV) and Proverbs 19:21 says “Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails” (NIV). I find it comforting, if not somewhat frustrating at times, that even if I don’t get it right the first time, God will continue to guide my steps to accomplish his plan.  There are times that I wonder why He wants me to learn a certain lesson, but I have found that if I put the time and energy into learning the lesson instead of fighting against the process, I am generally happier and more at peace sooner.  And guess what?  After that lesson is learned, there is another one behind it and the process starts over.  I figure as long as God keeps teaching me lessons, I haven’t fulfilled my purpose here yet, and that is something to celebrate in the midst of the process.

What kind of lessons have you noticed keep coming around in your life?

As a physical therapist, I have taken many courses in anatomy during my academic career and I can verify that nowhere will you find anything documented about your “knower.”  However, I can tell you that your “knower” is a very real part of your body.

Your knower is located just above your navel.  The function of your knower is to provide confirmation about decisions – big or small.  Your knower is one of the places where the Holy Spirit speaks to you and gives you direction on where to go and what to do or say (or not say).  When you experience the sense of peace that sits deep in your gut, that is when you know you have made the correct decision.

I have found that I have had to practice using my knower to make many small decisions to know what the feeling of peace feels like before I could find peace in making bigger decisions.  It sounds silly, but even something as simple as going through a yellow light or not, choosing to go to work or go home a different way than I normally do or calling a friend who crosses my mind instead of allowing the thought to simply pass by are examples of those small decisions.

Once I became attuned to my knower, it helped to make bigger decisions; for example, who to date, when to marry, when to buy/sell a house, or which job to take.  It also helps me make less tangible decisions, like when I need to change how I relate to my husband or my family and friends, when I need to extend forgiveness to someone (or myself!), or that I am in control of my emotions and I can choose how to respond instead of react (that is an ongoing, probably lifelong, lesson that I am still working to master).

Your knower is like any other part of your body – it requires exercise to maintain a healthy level of fitness (it would be great if it showed up in an abdominal 6 pack!).  Your knower can be very easy to disregard with thoughts like “is that really the Holy Spirit or is that just me?” or simply being too lazy to take the time and energy to pay attention to it.  When I choose not to pay attention to it, I find that the quality of my decisions drops drastically and I have less confidence about my decisions.

The more I pay attention to my knower, the more I can trust that it will guide me in the right direction.  One of the best ways to prime my knower to function at its best is prayer.  Proverbs 3:5-6 says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” (NIV).  People talk about “praying through” a situation.  I have learned over the years that there is no magic in “praying through” something; rather praying through is simply the willingness to admit to God that you need guidance and then waiting for His answer until that sense of peace comes.  Sometimes that peace comes sooner than later.  Other times you are certain that you know what you are supposed to do, and that action may on several levels look like it lines up with the Word of God, and yet you still feel uneasy.  In those moments, I have found that it is best to be open to other possibilities, which frequently can be more difficult, less fun and/or more expensive (in regards to time, money or emotional energy).  I may then find peace in a solution or direction that I would never have thought of at the beginning of the process, and even if that new solution or direction makes less (or no) logical sense, I “know in my knower” that that is the path to take (which may cause literal or figurative kicking and screaming on my part).  And yet, I feel so drawn to that new solution that there then seems no other alternative.

When I choose to be obedient and walk out the path of peace as directed by my knower, I cannot recall a time that the end result has turned out badly.  The more and more I submit to the process and my knower, the easier it has become to “trust my gut.”  I still make the occasional bad decision, but that is usually if I have made a hasty decision or have ignored the warning signs.

On a side note, we went to dinner last night to celebrate the launch of a newly published book written by Walter Ashby, the father of one of my best friends from high school, who is still one of my dearest friends today.  My friend, Dr. Beth Jones, authored the afterword.  I had the honor of reading the manuscript prior to publication to offer my ideas and recommendations for possible edits before the book went to the final editor.  I had JJ take my picture with Walt and Beth to hold myself accountable to my previous post about increasing the photo documentation of our life.  (Last night was one of those times where my knower said “Don’t let the moment pass by.”).  Here is our photo from last night and a link to their book.  It is a powerful story of overcoming obstacles and misconceptions of being visually impaired in a sighted world.

https://www.amazon.com/Impaired-But-Empowered-Fortitude-Fortune/dp/0998398705/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1489368129&sr=8-1&keywords=impaired+but+empowered

Sometimes life gives you curve balls that are completely out of your control.  Through no fault of your own, tragedy strikes that can’t be attributed to poor choices or lifestyle.  They just come out of nowhere and take your breath away.

My sister and her family recently experienced just such a situation when she lost her son in the seventh month of pregnancy.  I wanted nothing more than to take the stress and the pain away from her; to carry the burden so that she didn’t have to.  I went into big-sister-protection mode and at the end of the day, the only thing I could do for her was pray.  Pray for hope.  Pray for healing.  Pray for a miracle. Pray for God’s will to be done.

Many times over the last several months, I have wanted to do more, without being able to come up with what “more” that would be.  And while I prayed for my sister and her family daily, it frequently felt insufficient, lacking.  At times I felt like it was a test of faith to keep praying against what the doctor said was inevitable, but I kept believing that God is a big God and that He still works miracles.

A several days ago, I heard about 10 mins of a message from Skip Heitzig on the radio.  He made the point that when a teacher is teaching, the teacher speaks.  When it is time for the test, the teacher is silent and the purpose of the test is to demonstrate what you have learned.  The silence doesn’t mean that the teacher is no longer there or unavailable.  There were many days where I felt like my prayers were going up into the void, especially with each of my sister’s subsequent doctor’s visits where the report remained unchanged.  It would have been very easy and tempting to feel that God was not present through the process.  As I watched my sister speak eloquently at the memorial service for her son, I realized that what I was witnessing was His peace that passes understanding and that peace doesn’t always mean the absence of grief.  My favorite quote from what she said that day is “gratitude is the antidote for despair.”

A day or two after the message I heard on the radio, I was on the phone with a girlfriend of at least ten years.  Her advice to me was that prayer is often the most important and effective thing we can do in tough situations and that we may never know the full impact of our prayers.  She reminded me that we pray to the great, almighty God, who can do all things, and that no prayers are wasted or unheard. (Thanks, Liz!)

James 5:16 states “The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.” (KJV).  There are some things that we will never understand this side of Heaven. Isaiah 55:8-9 reminds us: “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. 9 “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” (NIV).  Oftentimes, in the midst of not understanding, you have to be willing to live in the present lack of understanding, and trust that God’s purpose will be revealed in His time, when all you can do is pray.

My husband has told me for years that “confidence is sexy.”  That is one of those comments that I have laughed off for a long time until I heard that same comment repeated by one of the husbands in our small group and one of the other husbands agreed with him.  It’s amazing how the person you live with can say something to you over and over and it’s not until you hear it from someone outside your own four walls that the message truly sinks in (that’s a side lesson in marriage all in itself).

The more I thought about it, I came to understanding that confidence IS attractive.  Confidence is how you walk, carry yourself, a warm smile, a firm handshake and the ability to look someone in the eye without looking away.  I’m not talking a staring contest – that’s more intimidation – but having the ability to hold someone’s gaze with focus and purpose.  Confidence is knowing who you and what you believe in and stand for without being swayed by the circumstances around you.

Can you be confident and uncertain at the same time?  Absolutely.  You can be totally confident that you are completely uncertain and still be willing to step into the uncertainty to try something new, whether that is learning a new skill, going somewhere new, or being in a situation that is out of your control or comfort zone.  That willingness to keep moving forward is what makes all the difference.

Confidence is not an attribute that you are either both with or without.  Like so many other things in life, if confidence is not part of the personality you are born with, it can be a learned skill.  The song “Highway to the Danger Zone” from Top Gun has just started running through my head as acquiring confidence often feels like navigating uncharted territory.  Many times as confidence is being developed, you feel like anything but confident.  As a kid, I was very quiet and reserved – I didn’t raise my hand in class to answer questions and hoped that I wasn’t going to be called on by the teacher.  By the time I got to college, if I didn’t understand something, I realized that it was up to me to ask questions to get the information that I needed.  In graduate school, standing up in front of the class to make oral presentations was a regular part of our assignments.  And now, JJ and I teach portions of marriage classes in front of rooms full of people at least monthly.

Oftentimes, confidence will tip the scales in your favor over someone else who may have more qualifications.  The person who goes into a job interview knowing that they will get the job will frequently be chosen over someone with more experience who meets their potential employer with doubt about the outcome.  Additional skills can always be learned once you’re in the door.  The old saying is true – you never get a second chance to make a first impression.

Does confidence insure that you will succeed at everything you try the first time? No, but it develops the character required to dust yourself off and try again in the instances where you fail.  Joshua 1:9 reminds us “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” (NIV) So, step out there and give your dreams a shot.  The only person who can hold you back is you and only you can choose to get out of your own way.  I’m confident that you will get there!

I went to the doctor for my annual physical yesterday.  If you’re like me, you dread the first few minutes of that appointment more than any other (okay, ladies, not quite ANY other, but it’s a close second) when the nurse first takes you back and has you step on the scale.  It feels to me like one of my success meters for the year – if my weight is the same or less, then it has been a successful year.  If I have gained a few pounds, then I haven’t been quite as successful.

When the doctor comes in, one of her regular questions is how regularly I exercise.  Truth be told, I go in spurts.  I have never been a gym rat, but I try to get in 2-3 workouts a week.  As I answered her question this year, the thought went through my mind “I have a girlish figure to maintain.”  In all honestly, my figure is far from what it was when I was a girl, or even from when I got married– I have a few more curves here and there and gravity has started its low, downward pull in all the typical places.

When I look in the mirror, I feel like I should still be about 29 (and at 29 I thought I should still look like I did at 18).  But the reality is, in a few short weeks I will turn 41.  I am no longer a girl and haven’t been one for a long time.  My husband and I were having dinner a few months ago with a couple who are in their mid-50’s and the husband made some comment to my husband about being middle aged (talking about both them and us).  I wasn’t involved directly in their conversation, but my ears perked up at his comment about being middle-aged, to which I replied that I refused to be middle-aged yet.  The husband turned to my husband and asked “she’s having a little difficulty with that, huh?”

I am finally choosing to give myself permission to no longer have to be the girl I was at 18.  If I truly wanted to be like I was at 18, I would not have the benefit of all the life experiences and lessons that I have learned over the past 23 years.  That, and I don’t have the dedication that is required to spend the amount of time in the gym necessary to be 98 pounds again.  Wisdom has always felt like a weighty word to me, so perhaps some of that translates physically (at least for most of us) as we get a little older.

For now, I’m going to tell myself that I’m “girl-ish,” which will allow me to be a woman with some girlish tendencies.  Who wouldn’t still like to be somewhat girlish in their 50’s, 60’s, 80’s?  Those types of ladies seem to keep their light and joy well into their golden years.  Maybe that will help me from taking myself too seriously and give myself some grace with each transition in life.  I’m still not ready to consider myself “middle-aged.”  Ask me again in another 10 years or so.

I love getting the mail the few weeks before Christmas through the week of New Years.  Every few days another photo card arrives with smiling faces of people I love and care for.  I marvel at how much the kiddos have grown for my friends who live across the country (and truth be told, sometimes my friends who live locally) that I don’t get to see very often.  I enjoy reading the snippets of life that are shared in short paragraphs on the back.  My fridge is covered with beautiful reminders of so many wonderful people.

Last year from June to December, we dealt with news of one bad health report after another on both sides of the family, so I’m just now getting caught up on a few things, my blog included.   This morning I changed out my photos from 2015 for 2016 on the fridge.  The placement always reminds me of a game of Tetris – trying to fit the different sized and shaped cards together to maximize the number of visible photos in the space that is available.

I created our first photo Christmas card 2 Christmases ago in 2015.  Doing so was something I had wanted to do for a long time, but I struggled for many years about sending a card that only has my husband and myself on it.  I had fallen into the trap of thinking that no one would be interested in card without kiddos on it.  We’re also not good at taking pictures of ourselves or our lives, so I felt like I didn’t have much content to pull from.  Two years ago we took a week-long road trip and had taken photos at many distinct locations, so I felt like I finally had something worth sending out.  Last year, I decided that it didn’t matter if we didn’t have cute kids to put on a card; that the people who are on my Christmas card list would be happy to see just our two faces.  I got as far as finding a photographer in November, and then some more “life” happened and I never got an appointment booked, so I sent out a letter instead of a photo.

While a letter is a great way to document your history from the year, I realized that it does not provide a visual snapshot of what your life actually “looks” like, especially for the people we don’t physically see often.  For us, at this point, that means a few more fine lines and gray hairs (at least for JJ – I hide my gray hair!). My goal for this year is to be more intentional about snapping a few pix here and there to document some of the high points of the year, not just to create a Christmas card, but to have a touch point to which to return to track our history for ourselves, even if they are not all perfectly posed. (I’d post one today, but as I write, JJ is asleep after working 24 hours straight).

So, help keep me accountable.  Here’s to a few more smiling snapshots of our own.  I’d love to see your pix too!

One of the pastors at our church, Pastor Ryan, gave a sermon last week about The Great Commission.

Matthew 28: 18-20 states (NKJV) “And Jesus came and spoke to them, saying, “All authority has been given to Me in heaven and on earth. Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all things that I have commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” Amen.”

To be honest, I have always had some apprehension with that verse.  I have never seen myself as a world missionary, traveling to the dark corners of the world.  I have felt incredibly unqualified to do so for many reasons; lack of knowledge (in general, when it comes to things Biblical and spiritual), a fondness for creature comforts (let’s just be real – I like my comfortable mattress and running water), and a home body nature (I don’t do well being away from home for more than about a week).

Pastor Ryan broke down this verse in a way that I hadn’t heard or thought about before.  His point was that we don’t have to be able to quote the Bible chapter and verse (Could I have previously told you that The Great Commission was somewhere at the end of at least one of the gospels prior to this sermon? Yes, but I could not have told you which Gospel or the exact Biblical citation without looking it up) in order to be effective.  Pastor Ryan’s point was that we are called to share our story and our experience with God wherever it is that God plants us.  For some of us, that may very well be in Africa or India or the Middle East.  My boss at work is also a pastor and she and her husband go on an annual mission trip to Europe, and her stories of lives touched for the Gospel are amazing.  I have another friend who has started going to Russia annually to share Christ’s love through Improv comedy (he doesn’t speak any Russian, but that doesn’t stop him).  For some of us, that may be our corner coffee house, with something as simple as a smile to the clerk who rings up our purchase and a question “What can I pray about for you today?”

The word “commission” has previously felt like this huge, weighty word – where a big, heavy mantle is placed on your shoulders by someone with authority greater than you and then you are sent out, alone, with an assignment and you are not to return until that assignment has been completed.  (Insert Mission Impossible music here).  And yet the Bible states (yes, I had to go look up this reference just now too!) in Matthew 11: 28-30 (NKJV) “Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”

At the end of Pastor Ryan’s sermon last week, the Holy Spirit showed me that the word “commission” is really “co-mission;” that He is always there with us every step of the way.  He will send us out into the world with our own assignment, but our assignment is also His assignment and that He supplies everything we need to step forward into our calling.  I found that thought to be very comforting and terrifying all at the same time.  Comforting to know that being called and stepping out in faith is not like the Indiana Jones scene where he steps out over the cavern and hopes that the bridge shows up in time – the Holy Spirit has already gone before us to prepare our way.  Psalm 16:19 (NKJV) states “A man’s heart plans his way, But the Lord directs his steps.”  Terrifying that there is no excuse not to be open and share my own walk of faith locally if my calling does not lead me into foreign countries (who knows, maybe this blog will end up in foreign countries, even if I am not physically present there).

I haven’t posted anything in the past several months, in large part due to some family health issues over the summer that required immediate attention and were time consuming.  JJ’s and my life has just started to “get back to normal” starting probably mid-late September and I have again felt the urge to write.  Until this morning, I have honestly given in to the “you’re not qualified” thoughts that surface for me frequently when I plan to electronically put pen to paper.  The thought that keeps coming back is that I am going to have to let go of what other people think about me in order to step forward into where I believe God has called me and trust that the words I am given will speak to the right people, on the right day, at the right time.

My story is my story.  Your story is your story.  No two stories will be the same and are not meant to be the same as we all have our own slice of humanity that God has planned for us to come in contact with while we are here on Earth.  I have made many mistakes along the way.  Over the past few years, God has shown me that being open about my mistakes and letting others know where I started to where I am now is a powerful gift that has the ability to touch many lives.  I’ll do my best to share my stories as we go.  Please feel free to share your stories too as that is how we learn from one another as we journey through our co-missions.