My husband has told me for years that “confidence is sexy.”  That is one of those comments that I have laughed off for a long time until I heard that same comment repeated by one of the husbands in our small group and one of the other husbands agreed with him.  It’s amazing how the person you live with can say something to you over and over and it’s not until you hear it from someone outside your own four walls that the message truly sinks in (that’s a side lesson in marriage all in itself).

The more I thought about it, I came to understanding that confidence IS attractive.  Confidence is how you walk, carry yourself, a warm smile, a firm handshake and the ability to look someone in the eye without looking away.  I’m not talking a staring contest – that’s more intimidation – but having the ability to hold someone’s gaze with focus and purpose.  Confidence is knowing who you and what you believe in and stand for without being swayed by the circumstances around you.

Can you be confident and uncertain at the same time?  Absolutely.  You can be totally confident that you are completely uncertain and still be willing to step into the uncertainty to try something new, whether that is learning a new skill, going somewhere new, or being in a situation that is out of your control or comfort zone.  That willingness to keep moving forward is what makes all the difference.

Confidence is not an attribute that you are either both with or without.  Like so many other things in life, if confidence is not part of the personality you are born with, it can be a learned skill.  The song “Highway to the Danger Zone” from Top Gun has just started running through my head as acquiring confidence often feels like navigating uncharted territory.  Many times as confidence is being developed, you feel like anything but confident.  As a kid, I was very quiet and reserved – I didn’t raise my hand in class to answer questions and hoped that I wasn’t going to be called on by the teacher.  By the time I got to college, if I didn’t understand something, I realized that it was up to me to ask questions to get the information that I needed.  In graduate school, standing up in front of the class to make oral presentations was a regular part of our assignments.  And now, JJ and I teach portions of marriage classes in front of rooms full of people at least monthly.

Oftentimes, confidence will tip the scales in your favor over someone else who may have more qualifications.  The person who goes into a job interview knowing that they will get the job will frequently be chosen over someone with more experience who meets their potential employer with doubt about the outcome.  Additional skills can always be learned once you’re in the door.  The old saying is true – you never get a second chance to make a first impression.

Does confidence insure that you will succeed at everything you try the first time? No, but it develops the character required to dust yourself off and try again in the instances where you fail.  Joshua 1:9 reminds us “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” (NIV) So, step out there and give your dreams a shot.  The only person who can hold you back is you and only you can choose to get out of your own way.  I’m confident that you will get there!