You know that feeling where you keep going through the same kind of situation over and over and you don’t know why?  It’s that odd sense of déjà-vu-all-over-again that comes with differing frequencies of regularity.  That’s what I call Brick Wall Therapy – when you don’t learn a lesson, God keeps bringing it back around in your life.  You feel like you are beating your head against a brick wall until you finally learn the lesson that God has placed in front of you.

In my experience, the first time or two the lesson comes up, it presents itself more as an interesting experience that I have a faint inkling that maybe I’m supposed to get something out of.  If I’m smart enough to recognize it at that time and make what may seem like a very minor change in my life, the lesson is not likely to present itself again.  If I don’t see the lesson early, or I choose not to make the changes I feel prompted to make, that is when the situation comes around again and again with increasing frequency and larger consequences.  I go from catching my toe on a rock, to having to step over a boulder, to running head first into a wall.

Some of these lessons have taken me years or decades to learn.  Sometimes, once I think I’ve learned the lesson, a circumstance will arise again to test me to see if I REALLY learned the lesson, or if I just THINK I did.  Examples of some of these lessons include extending forgiveness to someone who may hurt me deeply over and over (God gave me a beautiful picture of forgiveness a few years ago that I’ll share soon), understanding that unconditional love really has to not have any strings attached, or that holding a grudge is neither helpful nor healthful (I am a recovering expert grudge-holder-on-er).

I wonder sometimes if the Israelites got tired of camping at the same camp site or passing the same outcropping of rocks as they wandered in circles in the desert for 40 years (although the idea of your favorite dress and sandals not wearing out is pretty amazing).  Proverbs 16:9 states “In their hearts humans plan their course, but the LORD establishes their steps” (NIV) and Proverbs 19:21 says “Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails” (NIV). I find it comforting, if not somewhat frustrating at times, that even if I don’t get it right the first time, God will continue to guide my steps to accomplish his plan.  There are times that I wonder why He wants me to learn a certain lesson, but I have found that if I put the time and energy into learning the lesson instead of fighting against the process, I am generally happier and more at peace sooner.  And guess what?  After that lesson is learned, there is another one behind it and the process starts over.  I figure as long as God keeps teaching me lessons, I haven’t fulfilled my purpose here yet, and that is something to celebrate in the midst of the process.

What kind of lessons have you noticed keep coming around in your life?

As a physical therapist, I have taken many courses in anatomy during my academic career and I can verify that nowhere will you find anything documented about your “knower.”  However, I can tell you that your “knower” is a very real part of your body.

Your knower is located just above your navel.  The function of your knower is to provide confirmation about decisions – big or small.  Your knower is one of the places where the Holy Spirit speaks to you and gives you direction on where to go and what to do or say (or not say).  When you experience the sense of peace that sits deep in your gut, that is when you know you have made the correct decision.

I have found that I have had to practice using my knower to make many small decisions to know what the feeling of peace feels like before I could find peace in making bigger decisions.  It sounds silly, but even something as simple as going through a yellow light or not, choosing to go to work or go home a different way than I normally do or calling a friend who crosses my mind instead of allowing the thought to simply pass by are examples of those small decisions.

Once I became attuned to my knower, it helped to make bigger decisions; for example, who to date, when to marry, when to buy/sell a house, or which job to take.  It also helps me make less tangible decisions, like when I need to change how I relate to my husband or my family and friends, when I need to extend forgiveness to someone (or myself!), or that I am in control of my emotions and I can choose how to respond instead of react (that is an ongoing, probably lifelong, lesson that I am still working to master).

Your knower is like any other part of your body – it requires exercise to maintain a healthy level of fitness (it would be great if it showed up in an abdominal 6 pack!).  Your knower can be very easy to disregard with thoughts like “is that really the Holy Spirit or is that just me?” or simply being too lazy to take the time and energy to pay attention to it.  When I choose not to pay attention to it, I find that the quality of my decisions drops drastically and I have less confidence about my decisions.

The more I pay attention to my knower, the more I can trust that it will guide me in the right direction.  One of the best ways to prime my knower to function at its best is prayer.  Proverbs 3:5-6 says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” (NIV).  People talk about “praying through” a situation.  I have learned over the years that there is no magic in “praying through” something; rather praying through is simply the willingness to admit to God that you need guidance and then waiting for His answer until that sense of peace comes.  Sometimes that peace comes sooner than later.  Other times you are certain that you know what you are supposed to do, and that action may on several levels look like it lines up with the Word of God, and yet you still feel uneasy.  In those moments, I have found that it is best to be open to other possibilities, which frequently can be more difficult, less fun and/or more expensive (in regards to time, money or emotional energy).  I may then find peace in a solution or direction that I would never have thought of at the beginning of the process, and even if that new solution or direction makes less (or no) logical sense, I “know in my knower” that that is the path to take (which may cause literal or figurative kicking and screaming on my part).  And yet, I feel so drawn to that new solution that there then seems no other alternative.

When I choose to be obedient and walk out the path of peace as directed by my knower, I cannot recall a time that the end result has turned out badly.  The more and more I submit to the process and my knower, the easier it has become to “trust my gut.”  I still make the occasional bad decision, but that is usually if I have made a hasty decision or have ignored the warning signs.

On a side note, we went to dinner last night to celebrate the launch of a newly published book written by Walter Ashby, the father of one of my best friends from high school, who is still one of my dearest friends today.  My friend, Dr. Beth Jones, authored the afterword.  I had the honor of reading the manuscript prior to publication to offer my ideas and recommendations for possible edits before the book went to the final editor.  I had JJ take my picture with Walt and Beth to hold myself accountable to my previous post about increasing the photo documentation of our life.  (Last night was one of those times where my knower said “Don’t let the moment pass by.”).  Here is our photo from last night and a link to their book.  It is a powerful story of overcoming obstacles and misconceptions of being visually impaired in a sighted world.

https://www.amazon.com/Impaired-But-Empowered-Fortitude-Fortune/dp/0998398705/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1489368129&sr=8-1&keywords=impaired+but+empowered

Sometimes life gives you curve balls that are completely out of your control.  Through no fault of your own, tragedy strikes that can’t be attributed to poor choices or lifestyle.  They just come out of nowhere and take your breath away.

My sister and her family recently experienced just such a situation when she lost her son in the seventh month of pregnancy.  I wanted nothing more than to take the stress and the pain away from her; to carry the burden so that she didn’t have to.  I went into big-sister-protection mode and at the end of the day, the only thing I could do for her was pray.  Pray for hope.  Pray for healing.  Pray for a miracle. Pray for God’s will to be done.

Many times over the last several months, I have wanted to do more, without being able to come up with what “more” that would be.  And while I prayed for my sister and her family daily, it frequently felt insufficient, lacking.  At times I felt like it was a test of faith to keep praying against what the doctor said was inevitable, but I kept believing that God is a big God and that He still works miracles.

A several days ago, I heard about 10 mins of a message from Skip Heitzig on the radio.  He made the point that when a teacher is teaching, the teacher speaks.  When it is time for the test, the teacher is silent and the purpose of the test is to demonstrate what you have learned.  The silence doesn’t mean that the teacher is no longer there or unavailable.  There were many days where I felt like my prayers were going up into the void, especially with each of my sister’s subsequent doctor’s visits where the report remained unchanged.  It would have been very easy and tempting to feel that God was not present through the process.  As I watched my sister speak eloquently at the memorial service for her son, I realized that what I was witnessing was His peace that passes understanding and that peace doesn’t always mean the absence of grief.  My favorite quote from what she said that day is “gratitude is the antidote for despair.”

A day or two after the message I heard on the radio, I was on the phone with a girlfriend of at least ten years.  Her advice to me was that prayer is often the most important and effective thing we can do in tough situations and that we may never know the full impact of our prayers.  She reminded me that we pray to the great, almighty God, who can do all things, and that no prayers are wasted or unheard. (Thanks, Liz!)

James 5:16 states “The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.” (KJV).  There are some things that we will never understand this side of Heaven. Isaiah 55:8-9 reminds us: “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. 9 “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” (NIV).  Oftentimes, in the midst of not understanding, you have to be willing to live in the present lack of understanding, and trust that God’s purpose will be revealed in His time, when all you can do is pray.

My husband has told me for years that “confidence is sexy.”  That is one of those comments that I have laughed off for a long time until I heard that same comment repeated by one of the husbands in our small group and one of the other husbands agreed with him.  It’s amazing how the person you live with can say something to you over and over and it’s not until you hear it from someone outside your own four walls that the message truly sinks in (that’s a side lesson in marriage all in itself).

The more I thought about it, I came to understanding that confidence IS attractive.  Confidence is how you walk, carry yourself, a warm smile, a firm handshake and the ability to look someone in the eye without looking away.  I’m not talking a staring contest – that’s more intimidation – but having the ability to hold someone’s gaze with focus and purpose.  Confidence is knowing who you and what you believe in and stand for without being swayed by the circumstances around you.

Can you be confident and uncertain at the same time?  Absolutely.  You can be totally confident that you are completely uncertain and still be willing to step into the uncertainty to try something new, whether that is learning a new skill, going somewhere new, or being in a situation that is out of your control or comfort zone.  That willingness to keep moving forward is what makes all the difference.

Confidence is not an attribute that you are either both with or without.  Like so many other things in life, if confidence is not part of the personality you are born with, it can be a learned skill.  The song “Highway to the Danger Zone” from Top Gun has just started running through my head as acquiring confidence often feels like navigating uncharted territory.  Many times as confidence is being developed, you feel like anything but confident.  As a kid, I was very quiet and reserved – I didn’t raise my hand in class to answer questions and hoped that I wasn’t going to be called on by the teacher.  By the time I got to college, if I didn’t understand something, I realized that it was up to me to ask questions to get the information that I needed.  In graduate school, standing up in front of the class to make oral presentations was a regular part of our assignments.  And now, JJ and I teach portions of marriage classes in front of rooms full of people at least monthly.

Oftentimes, confidence will tip the scales in your favor over someone else who may have more qualifications.  The person who goes into a job interview knowing that they will get the job will frequently be chosen over someone with more experience who meets their potential employer with doubt about the outcome.  Additional skills can always be learned once you’re in the door.  The old saying is true – you never get a second chance to make a first impression.

Does confidence insure that you will succeed at everything you try the first time? No, but it develops the character required to dust yourself off and try again in the instances where you fail.  Joshua 1:9 reminds us “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” (NIV) So, step out there and give your dreams a shot.  The only person who can hold you back is you and only you can choose to get out of your own way.  I’m confident that you will get there!