Our 12 year wedding anniversary is tomorrow and we will be doing a final coaching session with our current group of engaged couples later this afternoon.  So I am perhaps more attuned to thoughts about marriage today than I would on any given day.

One of the bits of advice that I have started sharing with the couples that we coach as they move closer and closer to their wedding date is to really think about what their wedding vows mean.  We have had some couples who choose to write their own vows, but a majority of couples use some version of the traditional vows; “for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.”

Having been married now for 12 years (tomorrow!  Love you, Babe!), we have had some definite moments of worse, poorer, sickness and some death (not that parted us, but in the family).  When you first get married, I think it is so easy to get caught up in the excitement and the planning that it can be just as easy to not fully digest the vows you will be saying on the day itself.  I know I didn’t.  I knew that I had some words to say and he had some words to say, we would exchange rings and the priest would pronounce us husband and wife.  I like to call it “I do, I do, kiss the bride.”

We went through the premarital program at the church in which we were married, but I don’t remember too much about it other than the counselor that we went to visit for one session as part of that program told us that we were polar opposites, he would not recommend that we get married, and that if we chose to get married that our relationship would be a very difficult one.  We listened to his advice and promptly threw it out the window.  What he said turned out to be correct – our first 2 years were incredibly difficult and I thought about divorce several times.  JJ had been married and divorced once before and he wouldn’t talk about divorce as an option, which is the only reason that we made it through those first 2 years.  If I had known that those first couple of years would have been that hard, I’m sure I would not have gone ahead with the wedding.  We persevered (or maybe JJ pulled me through) the first 2 years, I started to like him a little again by year 3 and now 12 years later, I can’t imagine my life without him.

If you are engaged to be married or think that you might someday be married, I would encourage you to really think about the vows that you will say that day.  If you are already married and things are rocky (even if they are great), take some time to go back to what you promised on your wedding day.  Every marriage has times that are hard.  Be willing and able to look your fiancé/spouse in the eye and commit to being there in the worse, poorer and sick times.  My prayer is that your marriage is predominantly better, richer and healthy.

So here we are 12 years ago.  Look how cute we were!  (And how much hair JJ had!)  He has promised me at least 50, so here is to the next 38+.  I’m looking forward to the adventure.